The Holidays are once again upon us, and I am filled with excitement and anticipation! As a diverse need’s mama, I am also filled with challenging decisions and hard conversations as I protect all the needs of my family during this holiday season.
Can you relate?
I love everything about the holidays…the music, the lights, the extra snuggles. The challenge is finding the right activities that are not too expensive and are sensitive to my high sensory kiddos. Each year I try to balance it all and still allow everyone to have their favorite traditions met. With a larger family, this can be a task.
The other thing about this time of year that can be tricky, are honest conversations with family members about boundaries as well as advocating for what is best for your family. It goes without saying that sometimes these conversations can be tender.
I try to keep in mind that grace must be at the center of all these conversations and that most of the time, these chats can end with better understanding for one another. I have found that over the years, as needs have changed, these conversations have become easier. I have grown and others have too.
The following is how I try to approach these conversations:
- Lead with kindness.
- Try to hear the intent behind their words.
- Resist the tendency to get defensive.
- Go to God in prayer post conversation.
All these things have helped me to keep grace at the center.
What works for you when you feel triggered?
Time to process helps.
Remember though, that if delivered with kindness, you are not responsible for other people’s responses. In other words, it helps if, after a difficult conversation, you allow that other person time to process, and if their reaction is strong, it will usually soften. You never have to apologize for what your family needs, but having grace for others is essential for healthy family relationships.
Community is everything.
Having a community of other special needs parents can be so amazing this time of year. We try to organize a few outings together and choose lower sensory activities. By doing this we are not alone, and wheelchair pushing, as well as bathroom breaks, can be easier. There is power in community!
I also google “Sensory friendly Christmas activities” in my area and am always pleased with the amount of diverse sensitive events there are. We have come along way!
Lastly, I keep my expectations in check. I remind myself that it does not have to look perfect, in fact, it may be messy. I know it can be draining to have an experience with the whole family not go as expected. I have found though, that over the years of disappointed expectations, I have finally learned to live moment to moment and point out the good parts that actually do happen. This has been a game changer for me!
Beautiful friends, I pray that this holiday season you find precious moments. I pray you laugh at the messy, and most of all have GRACE for yourself. I am learning as I go and believe me when I say, I am rooting for you ALL!!!
May you feel God’s amazing presence this holiday!
Psalm 16:11
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
