“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill
Well… trying something new with our family is usually a great adventure, to say the least! I have always been a big dreamer, so visualizing the most perfect version of a family adventure comes easy to me. Sitting in the aftermath of mass adventure failure, not so much!
Recently, I realized that I had become stagnant as far as family outings were concerned. In my defense, we had had our fair share of the “hot mess” outings, and I guess, over time, I became a victim of fear and eventually stopped planning things. In fact, I had become a professional at playing it safe and taking the easy route. If it did not make sense, or if there was a chance of chaos, it was a “no!” I was not alone there, as my husband joined me in my safety. He also was exhausted by the chaos!
The problem with this scenario is that our kiddos missed out on things. They also never got a chance to practice outings, which was not helping them as far as life skills are concerned. I was just so tired. My joy meter was running low, and I just needed some safe down time for a while.
Friends, have you ever been here? Playing it safe? Going on outings where your kiddo might or might not be overwhelmed? It makes sense if you have. In fact, it can be exhausting and lonely trying all the things. I remember feeling things like… “I am the only special needs mama here,” or “carrying my littles, pushing a stroller, and avoiding an over sensory melt down is so stressful” … or … “I am tired of apologizing for my child.”
All these things eventually became so heavy and taking a respite from outings was my answer! I started to say no to things with a peaceful heart and eventually made staying home an adventure. I was more present with my kids and less exhausted. I saw how chaos settled in our lives a bit. It was working, and I was grateful for a partner who joined me in rest, well, as much rest as you can get with five offspring! Ha ha!
The downside came later as I realized we were stuck. I realized that my comfort zone was now unhealthy. My kids were not growing. I was not growing. I took an emotional step back and realized that my respite now looked like holding my kids back. It was not my intention; however, I could see how pulling back a bit had run its course, and it was now time to plunge back in!
Have you ever put up boundaries for a time and then realized they had run their course? Have you ever got stuck in playing it safe? I did. I had! I wanted peace, but did not want to live in fear. So, I did what most moment 2 moment mamas would do, and I plunged back in! I realized that I was not giving my kiddos a practice field by taking adventures and outings totally away.
I realized that I needed a refresher course from my “Moment 2 Moment” playbook!
Moment 2 Moment Playbook
- Don’t be afraid to try again! Identify your “wins” and celebrate!
- Practice is not perfect! Create appropriate expectations and allow room for the messy parts!
- Progression is everything! Don’t start your first go at Disneyland!!! Stat slow and gain confidence in each other again.
- Allow room for joy!!! Show them that mom and/or dad have a wild side!
Friends, it is so healthy to set boundaries or pull back for a bit. Sometimes we need a reset…sometimes we need a rest. Regardless of your reasons, these times have a purpose and in them deep meaning. Our family discovered new ways to “be” at home and we actually loved that time of our lives. Yet, this boundary had run its course! Our tribe was ready! (Needless to say, our crew thrives on adventures!)
So, I am curious…
What are some ways you have had to pull back?
What are some boundaries you have had to put in place for a time?
I would love to hear your stories and so would the other parents and caregivers that read this blog. Sharing our stories is so important and you never know who it will touch. We all have a story and as the saying goes, “God writes the best stories!!!”
Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
When we set healthy boundaries as an individual or as a family, it is a beautiful way to guard our hearts. Some boundaries are for a season and some have more permanence. Our hearts are worth guarding!
