I remember the scene well. I had just gotten off work and met Elizabeth and the kids at church. We usually attend the Saturday evening service. I messaged her to meet me in service, and gave her the location. Worship began and there was still no sign of her. In about 5 minutes I saw her rounding the corner and heading my way. She looked worn out, in fact, she looked completely deflated.
She snuggled in with a sigh. As I was putting my arm around her, I asked her how her day was. It was then that she buried her face in my chest and started to sob. I was caught off guard, and simply held her. Finally she lifted her head and whispered…”I can’t do this by myself anymore.” I could hear the desperation in her voice, and I knew that in that moment she needed some hope. Something she could cling to so she could take the next few steps of her life. I felt helpless. I knew she needed help, but was not sure how I could help her. She was the most important person to me. She was my bride…through thick and thin.
I quietly responded to my wife,” You’re right. You can’t.” Then God laid the craziest idea on my heart.
After church, and after I had gathered my thoughts, I told her that on Monday, I was going to give my two-week notice at work. Wait…. WHAT? (Am I nuts I thought?! Had I just told my wife that I was going to quit my job so I could come home to help?) I looked at her face, and upon hearing the news, she softened. I saw peace in her half smile. I knew, at that moment, that my decision was the right one. I knew that coming home to lighten her load a bit and be a constant presence was what I was supposed to do.
To be honest, this was not all a total shock. You see, about three weeks prior, God started calling me in a different direction. He was urging me to leap in a big way without a safety net! He was opening my eyes to see things from my wife’s point of view, and I knew she was drowning. In all of the risks I had ever taken, there was always some sort of a safety net, a “plan B”, to catch me if I fell flat on my face. Yet, I felt God calling me to more… more of him, and less of me. This moment at church with my wife was the leap He had been talking about. No net! No safety plan! Just me and my wife partnering for what would be the wildest ride of our lives…but TOGETHER!
Follow through
So, on Monday I walked into work and gave my notice. They were confused, but I was at peace. I knew it was the right decision. For the first time in my life, I was allowing God to completely work out the details. Even in the midst of the unknown, I could feel a peace. I knew He had a plan. Ironically, His first plan was for us to co-write this blog.
Now, please hear me when I say that it has not been easy. Finances have been extremely tight. We have seen God provide in such an amazing way, and have always had our needs provided for. We have had to be very creative, and have realized that if you look around your house, you really do have everything you need. It has brought us the perspective that we needed.
In the midst of the hard were gifts
I must be honest though, the best part has been the strengthening of my relationship with my wife. Our marriage had suffered because of our journey. We are great teammates, but pouring into our own marriage has always been difficult. This time together has helped heal some of the damage that we have suffered in our relationship. We have discovered grace again for each other and I have gained a huge perspective into the day-to-day life that my wife has managed for years (mostly by herself). We made the decisions for our big family together, and now I was going to be a deeper part of it all. Having 5 kids, 3 with special needs, 2 with trauma can be an interesting ride most days. It takes a village.
In addition, my relationships with my kids have grown closer and deeper. Previously, I came in and out as the helper, and fun dad. Now, I am a constant. I have learned unique things about all five of my children individually, and it has been everything to me!
Basically, this leap has taught me a lot about myself, my family, and the journey that we are on. My perspective shifted from inward to outward and now, connecting and pouring in to others has become my life goal. Although I still make mistakes, what fuels me is coming along side of and encouraging others who share a journey similar to ours.
